Wine Wired

The following is the story of my trip to Philly. I hope you enjoy.

So I’m on my way to Philadelphia to take my WSET Unit 2 Diploma exam.  I thought it was going to be a relatively uneventful trip.  As I sit here in Charlotte Airport laughing to myself and waiting for my flight, I’ve come to the realization that this trip will be anything but “normal.”  It all started in the quaint, two gate, Florence Airport at the, one and only, security checkpoint.  I had an approved size carry-on bag and a laptop bag.  They first made me take my shaving/toiletries bag out of my carry-on suitcase, and run it all through the scanner.  Not a big deal. My lap top bag, carry-on bag and toiletries case all set the guy manning the scanner to a “heightened level” of awareness.

I was asked if those were my items and I claimed ownership to the suspicious cargo.  First, my carry-on was searched only to find a corkscrew that must have been in there for a year.  Yes, I carry a corkscrew wherever I go, just in case of a wine emergency.  Security was not amused even though I let out a slight chuckle. I was then asked one of the best questions I have ever been asked.  The security officer asked me, “Is this yours?”  Believe me, I thought of multiple answers to that question, some of which I am certain would have had me detained.  I chose the safe answer of, “yes.” Her response was something along the lines of not being allowed to take that type of item on the plane.  My mind flashed to an image of myself holding up the corkscrew and yelling out, “Take me to wine country!” Luckily my mental filter was working and I merely uttered,” OK.”

I think at this point I was labeled as trouble so she proceeded to go through my toiletries bag.  In my nail case she found a fold out 1” nail file that I’m certain I have never used.  She looked at me disapprovingly and told me that was not allowed either.  The entire time this is going on my computer case is being scanned for the third time.  The two security officers give each other that look.  You know the look I’m taking about: that “we’ve got a live one here” kind of look.  So the searching of my bags continued.

Apparently, my wine study note cards that I packed in separate, subject-appropriate gum-banded bundles (rubber banded for you non-Pittsburgh people), were extremely suspicious looking on the x-ray.  They took all the bundles of cards out and looked at them closely.  These, however, are allowed on the plane and I repacked them after I was released under my own recognizance.  Mind you that all this was without any coffee yet at 0-dark thirty this morning.

Next was the actual flight from Florence to Charlotte.  I thought I had all weirdness out of the way for my trip but, little did I know, the fun was just beginning. I found myself sitting next to a nice “grandma” on the plane. We made some small talk and then both drifted into our own reading. My attention was interrupted when, upon takeoff, the overhead light-air vent assembly 2 seats in front of me fell out. This is no exaggeration.  It fell out close to the head of the man sitting below it.  The only thing that prevented him from wearing it like a hat was the wiring stopped its fall.  Now half of the plane is watching the flight attendant duct-taped it back in place. I’m assuming by the look on everyone’s face that there was a collective thought, “I hope the guy that checked that light was not the same guy that checks the engines.”

This momentary disruption in my reading allowed me to notice that this nice grandma was whispering the words as she read.  It was very obvious that she was completely unaware of her annoying habit. I was prepared to overlook this quirk for our short flight until I made the mistake of listening to her words. A bit startled by what I heard, my eyes moved to the cover of her book, Fifty Shades of Grey.  Damn. Needless to say, it was a long and disturbing flight.